That L Word

Rain WindowIt was one chilly night with the rain pouring when he (finally) said that he thinks he love me too. What a lousy respond to my “I love you”. Normal people would just say “I love you too”. But no, he is not normal yet I’m stuck on him.

It took him over a year to declare his love and to be honest I don’t understand how I can stand this anti-romance attitude of him. I’m hopelessly romantic and sensitive and melancholic and insecure too at times. Being with him really pushes me to the edge of imperviousness and endurance. But damn, am I enjoying it? Although yeah, there is this rush of adrenaline coming from the fear of fall. Fall in love.

In his defense, it is too dramatic for him who’s not used to express his feelings openly. So it may be scary for him to say something vulgar like “I love you”. Maybe it has something to do also with he’s not sure of how he feels. Moreover, what more can I expect? We live in a world where “fuck you” is more acceptable than “I love you”. People utter hatred more easily than speak of affectionate and endearing words.

But I love him. Well, I think I do. And I think it was a mistake of saying it first. I should just shut my mouth after saying I love the rain. But in my defense, at that time the universe was like teasing me and I could hear some inner voice was even mocking me call me a coward. Just say how you feel… let him know…

Oh! Stupid inner voice! I could see his face turned red. Now that he said he thinks he love me too, I don’t buy it. It was just him being proper – choosing any responses instead of saying nothing.

So I then asked him, “You think or you know?”

He went silent, swiftly kissed me passionately instead.

Three-Day Rule (a break-up tips)

It takes three days for a brain to adapt…. Three days for the universe to turn right side up again. (Bones)

I like numbers. I like everything quantified, including some rules on heartbreak. The three-day rule. The six-month rule. The half-time-of-how-long-you’ve-been-together rule. Well, they don’t always work exactly like that. But… keeping those rules in mind helps me stay optimistic… and that everything will be just fine.

She is my hero. Click here to check out the trailer of one of my favorite episodes of BONES.

Wait a minute. Heartbreak? Again? Well, yes. One more time and maybe it won’t be last. But this is a way we all have to experience, isn’t it?

Shortly, here is the story. On one fine day, the love-of-my-life admitted that he fell out of love. He said it happened for quite a while but he didn’t want to tell me because he was afraid of losing me completely (*dumb ass*). This love-of-my-life was confused about how he felt about me. “I miss you, so I guess that must be love,” he said (*love your ass!* I said silently). You’d know if you love someone. You don’t guess. Oh! What a stab!

What is the sign that you’re in love? It is when all those songs make sense. (Castle)

Anyways, as we grow older, we should act as an adult and face the agony more gracefully. There is no better option. Sometimes it’s better to keep silent and act happy as if things go so well. It’s not pretending. It’s merely an act of respecting others because every single person has their own problem and misery. Keep that smile on your face. It helps.

So, here I am. Sad yet okay. And I’d like to provide you some suggestions to handle such situation called a break-up. It won’t be easy, of course. But since we all will have to face it, why don’t try these advice?

1. Accept

Accept that it’s over. Don’t hope for a miracle that s/he will come begging you to get back with them. No, no. You must have watched too many romantic movies. That scenario doesn’t really happen in real life. Let go! I know it hurts knowing that you have spent so much feeling and energy on someone, only to know in the end that they don’t feel the same way or that the situation is so fucked up, beyond control. But hey, shits happen all the time, but life goes on. Accept, then let go. Accept… then… let go…

2. Entertain yourself

Messy floor 🙂

A break-up will put you at the bottom of your pride. So you need to push yourself up again. How? Do fun things such as: shopping, speeding, throwing and breaking things :-). Hehe, I actually did the latest and honestly, it caused another upsetting experience.

It was the first time I got so angry about a break-up. Usually, I am just sad and depressed. But that time was quite different. I felt so much anger because my pride was torn apart so terribly. Voila, I threw things against my wall. I cursed. I hit things. I kicked things. I cried. I fell asleep and woke up with swollen eyes and got upset when stepping my feet on the messy floor. I then laughed and cried while cleaning the mess :-).

3. Don’t blame

Never ever blame yourself. The break-up is already hard and hurtful, you don’t have to dump another crap on you. Don’t blame her/him either. Nor God, hehe. Just simply don’t blame anybody or anything. Because blaming is just a defensive mechanism to make us feel better. Break-up happens all the time. It’s not a unique experience and trust me, you’re not the most miserable person in the world :-).

4. Focus on yourself

Please focus on yourself this time. It’s all about you and you alone. It’s about how to heal the pain, how to relieve the burden and the shame, how to mend the broken heart, and how to stand tall again. Don’t bother yourself thinking what s/he might think about you, or how s/he will deal with their pain or how s/he will be happy with someone else anytime soon (or they already are). That’s not your business. It’s already complicated to handle one heart (yours) why hassle yourself with hers/his?

It takes six months to heal a broken heart. “But I have spent six months and I am still sad.” So you should give yourself another six months. And another six months. And another six months until you’re recovered. That’s how it works. (Eat, Pray, Love)

5. Move on

Yes, the very last thing you should do is to move on. One failed relationship doesn’t mean the world is over. I had several futile relationships and plenty rejections… yet I continue falling in and out of love, continue making mistakes too and learn from each heartbreaking experience. So do you, so will you. Nothing is eternal, my friends. Not your happiness, nor your sadness. It’s rainy and cloudy now, but sun will shine again. Don’t stop your pursuit of happiness. It’s a never-ending effort. Be patient :-).

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Eventually, one day… magic will happen. You will wake up and see things differently. Just like that. Just like magic. You’ll be healed.