I’m free!

To whom it may concern:

How happy I am to see that light comes only from darkness and shadows. So does happiness.

Today, one year ago, was a difficult time for us. For me; as I faced the biggest realisation that you’re gone from my life. And maybe for you; as you were in a confusing crossroad of uncertainties.

Today, I want to congratulate both of us for surviving the turmoil.

For you; to be free becoming who you really are, to be with the person you truly be happy with. And you two made it the whole year! I wish you two happiness.

For me; to strive and freely grow and bloom becoming the person I didn’t know I could be, a better me. It’s the anniversary of my courage and my heart’s freedom.

I understand now that we needed to be with each other back then, so we can be who we are today. It was part of self discovery, don’t you agree?



Be careful what you want,
for you might get it.
The Universe is paying attention,
and conspires in making it happen.
And sometimes…
the Universe gives more than what you want,
It gives you what you need:
lessons for life.


Contradictory Wisdom

“Life is what we make it”, they say. But hey, they also say “what will be, will be”.

Isn’t it rather annoying how the wise men always have something to say for certain circumstances in life? When something happens, a wisdom shared, people accept and use it to help them getting through difficult time. Let’s see this one as an example:

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

That wisdom has been helping couples in going through (temporary) separation. Some might find a way back, some are lost, some have to deal with the fact that absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder. Because you know… there is another wisdom:

Out of sight, out of mind.

Isn’t it amusing?

When things get rough in our relationship, we’d like to believe that this is the thing worth fighting for. Every couple goes through difficult times and many come out alive and stronger, holding on to the following wisdom:

You can’t just give up on someone just because the situation is not ideal. Great relationships aren’t great because they have no problems. They’re great because both people care enough about the other person to find a way to make it work.

On the other hand, there is this poet who fabricates a metaphor, helping our insensitive senses and mechanical brain to comprehend life and figure out its puzzling course. She created “the bridge”. It’s simple. It’s spot-on. It’s crystal clear.

Someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready.
Nayyirah Waheed

Another contradiction between one wisdom to another is the ones related to confidence or optimism. You must have heard this famous advice to:

Fake it till you make it.

Many actually follow and apply this in life–mostly working life–to boost their confidence fueled with great optimism. The underlined idea of “faking it until making it” is about developing some habits to eventually becoming part of who we are. We’re talking about good habits of course. You fake doing the habits of successful people. If you’re persistent enough, without you realize it you become one of those successful people.

How? Well, George Costanza has some practical tips for that :D.

On the other hand, some experts say “fake it til you make it” is a bad advice. Confidence should not be about pretending or acting. Because no matter how good you’re faking it, people can tell. There are some uncontrollable traits that will show the ultimate truth of who you are and how you really feel. What about letting your confidence emerge from your real accomplishment? No matter how small and simple accomplishment that is.

It’s dilemmatic in a way: which wisdom should we trust?


Click here for more contradictory proverbs.

Warung indomi

Harum. Hangat.
Wajah-wajah sayu kuyu. Tanggalkan lapar. Lepas segala dunia siang.
Apa kabar mereka? Beratkah hari ini? Ataukah lapang?

Nampak lahap. Mereka makan indomi. Begitupun aku.
Tapi aku tak sepenuhnya sendiri. Ada teman bisikkan selamat makan. Dari seberang lautan.

Lalu sebuah sapa. Kupalingkan muka. Sebentuk senyum. Kubalas senyum. Ada ramah juga di Jakarta.

Lalu aku pulang. Namun mereka tinggal. Menikmati rokok dan secangkir kopi. Melanjutkan malam.

Tidak Sempurna

Ini tentang menjadi diri sendiri. Menjadi pribadi yang tidak mudah dicintai. Sebab tidak ada manusia yang melihat jauh ke dalam hati.

Ini tentang omong kosong tentang keutamaan niat. Sebab hanya Tuhan yang mendengar niat. Sedangkan manusia hanya bisa mengindra apa yang tercipta di permukaan. Apa yang terlihat dalam perbuatan. Apa yang terdengar lewat ucapan.

Ini tentang usaha yang sia-sia. Betapa pun besar niat dan upaya untuk menjadi seseorang yang disebut baik yang nampaknya akan jadi mimpi belaka. Semulia apapun jiwa, ketika tindakan tidak mencerminkan kemuliaan maka sia-sialah namanya.

Ini tentang menjadi musuh dunia ketika tidak bisa menahan apa yang ada dalam pikiran. Simpan semuanya! Dunia tidak siap mendengar semuanya. Simpan semua! Kubur saja semua! Semoga dunia masih mampu membacanya.

Ini tentang lelah hati. Ingin berhenti. Skenario ini mulai membosankan. Membosankan sebab semua bermuka dua atau lima. Berlomba tampak sempurna di permukaan meski busuk dalam sukma.

Ini tentang aku yang tidak sempurna. Dan tidak pernah berani bermimpi untuk menjadi sempurna.

Dan ini juga bukan tentang kamu. Jadi jangan coba-coba menyemburkan racunmu yang manis itu.

Hidup adalah menunggu

Sejatinya, hidup ini adalah menunggu. Menunggu mati, mengisinya dengan kerja dan suka ria, diselingi rasa sedih dan kecewa. Pada dasarnya hidup ini adalah menunggu. Menunggu berbahagia. Mungkin semenit, mungkin pula sedekade lamanya. Mungkin akan tiba saatnya, atau mungkin sebaliknya.

Aku yang belia dulu menunggu segera lulus SMA. Biar dikata dewasa. Aku yang belia dulu menunggu melepas status mahasiswa, menjadi pekerja, memikul tanggungjawab yang berbeda. Aku yang belia dulu menunggumu. Selalu menunggumu dan tak henti menunggumu. Agar datang kepadaku. Lalu bersama-sama menunggu waktu berlalu.

Kini aku tak lagi belia. Namun nyatanya hidup masih saja menunda. Membiarkanku menunggu. Sialnya, aku tak tahu pasti apa yang kutunggu. Kupandangi saja jarum jam yang berputar. Lalu momen satu-persatu menghilang. Mungkin… dengan hilangnya momen itu, terkikis juga waktuku untuk menunggu. Menunggumu.

Don’t be sad, it’s only rainy

RainThere is one phrase you always keep dearly; it’s the title of one famous book “La Tahzan”, don’t be sad—the three words that all the time beautifully remind you to not be sad.

It’s rainy lately and getting up for work is a little harder. Just a little, because work is apparently a fun place to go. But no, don’t be sad, it’s only rainy. It’s only you walk by with your purple umbrella, your feet get wet and some splashes hit your trousers leaving brownish marks. You think of how convenient to be in that posh white city car or how easy to cut through the traffic on that scooter. But when you stand on the crossing bridge you end up thanking God of being at where you are.

You love rain, don’t you? You love the fresh air sensation it brings. And the water that drops magically from the sky. And you smile imagining your physics teacher would refuse to call it magic. And of course you love the excuse for you to stay longer under your blanket.  And the addictive lonely feeling. And the longing of someone you miss deeply. But you can’t be sad, it’s only rainy.

So, there is one phrase I always keep dearly; it’s the title of one famous book “La Tahzan”, don’t be sad—the three words that all the time beautifully remind me to not be sad. But for the love of God, sometimes I’m sad anyway, especially when it’s rainy.