Time to Heal

Healing takes time, but it will come. And when it does, you will find happiness so bright, you will be blind to all that once tormented you.

We can’t deliberately choose the memories we want to remember. I wish I could, but that’s just not the case, isn’t it?

I have this one scene of my childhood that vaguely stuck in my mind. I’m not quite sure about the year, maybe I was five. I only know I was really small that even stepping over a 50cm-wide-ditch was a huge problem.

It was a daring game. My neighbours had this silly challenge of jumping over a ditch in front of my house. I was doubtful and scared. I was unsure if I could make it. But it seemed so easy for everyone, I must do it. So they started to applaud, pushing me to do it. Jump! Jump! Jump!

So I did. I jumped. And… I missed the other side of the ditch. It happened so fast. I can’t remember how I got up from the bottom. I can’t remember how I walked towards my house. But I do remember I was so embarrased and scared of what would happen next. I remember my face was covered with blood dripping and I tried to wipe it off with my hands. I remember my mom stood by the door in awe and in a second she passed out. I remember my dad ran to my mom and carried her to the sofa in the living room, while I was standing still by the door not quite sure what to do. A couple of minutes later my dad came and carried me inside. And the scenes stopped there. I don’t remember the rest.

It happened almost three decades ago. No pain that I can remember. No scars as a souvenir either. It quickly became one of those light anecdotes I tell people when we play “your most embarrassing thing” game.

I was healed.

Our soul, unfortunately, heals in different pace, different way. We can’t really see the wound, thus makes it trickier to take care of. We can feel it there, in our brain, sending pain signal to our chest, pushing the tear glands to squeeze and shed some drops. Thankfully, crying is good and necessary.

Psychic tears are the crying tears produced as response to sadness, anger, frustration, or pain. These tears contain a natural painkiller. Yes, this act of crying releases what is called leucine-enkephalin, an endorphin that reduces pain and helps improve mood and reduce stress immediately. This is an important detox.

Therefore, it’s soothing to have a good cry. Although it’s addictive too. Our body is so amazing, isn’t it? It’s equipped with such a mechanism to help it coping with emotional breakdown. It might seem trivial, these psychic tears, but they significantly give remedy. Helping us to heal. Emotionally.

So hang in there. Take your time. Take a good cry. The time will come. You’ll be healed.



Be careful what you want,
for you might get it.
The Universe is paying attention,
and conspires in making it happen.
And sometimes…
the Universe gives more than what you want,
It gives you what you need:
lessons for life.


Contradictory Wisdom

“Life is what we make it”, they say. But hey, they also say “what will be, will be”.

Isn’t it rather annoying how the wise men always have something to say for certain circumstances in life? When something happens, a wisdom shared, people accept and use it to help them getting through difficult time. Let’s see this one as an example:

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

That wisdom has been helping couples in going through (temporary) separation. Some might find a way back, some are lost, some have to deal with the fact that absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder. Because you know… there is another wisdom:

Out of sight, out of mind.

Isn’t it amusing?

When things get rough in our relationship, we’d like to believe that this is the thing worth fighting for. Every couple goes through difficult times and many come out alive and stronger, holding on to the following wisdom:

You can’t just give up on someone just because the situation is not ideal. Great relationships aren’t great because they have no problems. They’re great because both people care enough about the other person to find a way to make it work.

On the other hand, there is this poet who fabricates a metaphor, helping our insensitive senses and mechanical brain to comprehend life and figure out its puzzling course. She created “the bridge”. It’s simple. It’s spot-on. It’s crystal clear.

Someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready.
Nayyirah Waheed

Another contradiction between one wisdom to another is the ones related to confidence or optimism. You must have heard this famous advice to:

Fake it till you make it.

Many actually follow and apply this in life–mostly working life–to boost their confidence fueled with great optimism. The underlined idea of “faking it until making it” is about developing some habits to eventually becoming part of who we are. We’re talking about good habits of course. You fake doing the habits of successful people. If you’re persistent enough, without you realize it you become one of those successful people.

How? Well, George Costanza has some practical tips for that :D.

On the other hand, some experts say “fake it til you make it” is a bad advice. Confidence should not be about pretending or acting. Because no matter how good you’re faking it, people can tell. There are some uncontrollable traits that will show the ultimate truth of who you are and how you really feel. What about letting your confidence emerge from your real accomplishment? No matter how small and simple accomplishment that is.

It’s dilemmatic in a way: which wisdom should we trust?


Click here for more contradictory proverbs.

Mencari Bahagia

Dear R,
Benarkah hidup ini tentang mencari bahagia? Kenapa begitu ya? Ah, kamu mana mau menjawab? Kamu mana bisa menjawab?

Kamu sibuk sekali. Tak sempat kautanyakan pada dirimu sendiri pertanyaan yang baru saja kuungkapkan. Kamu mencari uang. Mencari pengakuan. Mencari posisimu di lingkungan pergaulan. Mungkin kadang kau sempatkan juga mencari cinta.

R, jangan-jangan hidup bukan tentang mencari kebahagiaan. Hidup hanya semacam perjalanan. Kita hadapi apa yang di depan. Senangnya, sedihnya, bahagianya, kejutannya, deritanya. Karena hidup tidak seperti dongeng yang tamat ketika gadis cantik yang miskin dan baik hati dipinang oleh seorang pangeran tampan, lalu ditutup dengan sebaris frasa: happily ever after. Kenyataannya hidup bukan tentang happily ever after sebab sesudah gembira datang selalu saja ada bayang-bayang kesedihan, begitu pun sebaliknya.

R, dalam hidup ini begitu banyak yang membuat dadaku sesak. Peperangan, kemiskinan, pengkhianatan, ketidakpedulian. Sementara di sini kita bergelimang kenyamanan, meski ternyata kita tidak juga merasa bahagia. Kita merasa hampa. Kita tak berdaya. Berdosa kah kita?

Aku bahagia saat bersamamu. Dulu, dan mungkin nanti. Kucoba membekukan momen itu, kubingkai, dan kupasang dalam tembok memoriku. Bukankah momen yang sudah terjadi itu akan tetap bernama memori bahagia? Dan ketika aku sedang tidak bahagia karena jauh darimu dan sebagainya, itu pun akan menjadi potret dalam bingkai cerita hidup.

Bahagia itu memang rasa yang menyenangkan, karena itulah manusia berkejaran menggapainya. Sedih itu bisa membuat sekujur tubuh menjadi muram, alhasil manusia pun bersusah payah menghindari dan menolaknya.

Kasihan sekali manusia yang tidak tahu apa yang menjadi kebahagiaannya ya. Ia tak tahu mesti mengejar apa. Ataukah ia justru beruntung karena tak perlu lelah mengejar?

Ah R, tidak bahagia itu tak apa-apa. Buktinya kita baik-baik saja. Kamu tidak bahagia. Aku juga tidak. Tapi toh kita tetap memilih menjalani ketidakbahagiaan itu seperti juga jutaan manusia lainnya. Sebab mungkin hidup bukan melulu tentang mencari bahagia. Ini hanya sandiwara singkat saja.



Tidak Sempurna

Ini tentang menjadi diri sendiri. Menjadi pribadi yang tidak mudah dicintai. Sebab tidak ada manusia yang melihat jauh ke dalam hati.

Ini tentang omong kosong tentang keutamaan niat. Sebab hanya Tuhan yang mendengar niat. Sedangkan manusia hanya bisa mengindra apa yang tercipta di permukaan. Apa yang terlihat dalam perbuatan. Apa yang terdengar lewat ucapan.

Ini tentang usaha yang sia-sia. Betapa pun besar niat dan upaya untuk menjadi seseorang yang disebut baik yang nampaknya akan jadi mimpi belaka. Semulia apapun jiwa, ketika tindakan tidak mencerminkan kemuliaan maka sia-sialah namanya.

Ini tentang menjadi musuh dunia ketika tidak bisa menahan apa yang ada dalam pikiran. Simpan semuanya! Dunia tidak siap mendengar semuanya. Simpan semua! Kubur saja semua! Semoga dunia masih mampu membacanya.

Ini tentang lelah hati. Ingin berhenti. Skenario ini mulai membosankan. Membosankan sebab semua bermuka dua atau lima. Berlomba tampak sempurna di permukaan meski busuk dalam sukma.

Ini tentang aku yang tidak sempurna. Dan tidak pernah berani bermimpi untuk menjadi sempurna.

Dan ini juga bukan tentang kamu. Jadi jangan coba-coba menyemburkan racunmu yang manis itu.

LDR is lonely

Long distance relationship is lonely. Really lonely. Sometimes the missing feeling is just unbearable. It’s worse than being single. You go to a party alone, dance alone, eat alone, sleep alone, and you deal with all your problems all alone. When you need some hugs, you hug an empty air. When you need to lay your head for comfort, you end up crying on your pillow.

Long distance relationship is lonely. You can only text your longing feeling. You chat about your day through phone calls. You have dinner by Skype. You share songs to listen on Youtube. You share articles or books to read together and talk about it. You send virtual kisses and exchange “I miss you”s.

What keeps you stay is that you love him. Or you love the idea of him. And that he says he loves you too. And your hope that soon you will be together. So you could go to a party together, dance as a couple, eat at a table for two, sleep with him next to you, and suddenly you don’t see any problems to deal with. When you need some hugs, you will get a decent one. When you need to lay your troubles down, you will get a strong shoulder to comfort you.