That L Word


Rain WindowIt was one chilly night with the rain pouring when he (finally) said that he thinks he love me too. What a lousy respond to my “I love you”. Normal people would just say “I love you too”. But no, he is not normal yet I’m stuck on him.

It took him over a year to declare his love and to be honest I don’t understand how I can stand this anti-romance attitude of him. I’m hopelessly romantic and sensitive and melancholic and insecure too at times. Being with him really pushes me to the edge of imperviousness and endurance. But damn, am I enjoying it? Although yeah, there is this rush of adrenaline coming from the fear of fall. Fall in love.

In his defense, it is too dramatic for him who’s not used to express his feelings openly. So it may be scary for him to say something vulgar like “I love you”. Maybe it has something to do also with he’s not sure of how he feels. Moreover, what more can I expect? We live in a world where “fuck you” is more acceptable than “I love you”. People utter hatred more easily than speak of affectionate and endearing words.

But I love him. Well, I think I do. And I think it was a mistake of saying it first. I should just shut my mouth after saying I love the rain. But in my defense, at that time the universe was like teasing me and I could hear some inner voice was even mocking me call me a coward. Just say how you feel… let him know…

Oh! Stupid inner voice! I could see his face turned red. Now that he said he thinks he love me too, I don’t buy it. It was just him being proper – choosing any responses instead of saying nothing.

So I then asked him, “You think or you know?”

He went silent, swiftly kissed me passionately instead.

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