It’s a strange cold night. I’m not quite sure why. Maybe it’s the AC (it’s only 22 degree though). It could also be the movie (I watched this Anne Hathaway‘s movie titled One Day for the second time). It got me so melancholic and teary.
Feeling cold like this always reminds me to the idea (or the fact – more precisely) that I’m alone. It sucks, you must know it. I went home early today and met with the guy who will renovate one of my rooms. It was entertaining. I made the design, chose the wallpaper, and decided some materials for finishing. He was quite nice and helpful. I cooked my dinner afterwards; watercress stir-fry, fried tofu, and chicken with oyster sauce. I have to say it was delicious. I ate alone, watching that depressing movie. I felt like Bridget Jones – with the All By Myself soundtrack as the back sound.
Loneliness eats you up, you know. It makes you feel useless and worthless. I mean… what’s the point of living in this complicated and manipulative world if you are no use to anyone? You shouldn’t be alone. I shouldn’t be alone. I can be more useful if I were at least with someone. But the fact remains: here I am – in my comfy home cooking with simple utensils, eating in my couch, watching a sad movie. Fantastic.
I’m kinda bored. It’s been long years of searching, trying, learning, keeping, and of course… letting go. Sometimes I think I shouldn’t stop trying and believing that my time will come. But some other times I just tell myself maybe there is no such “my time” – time of enjoying life not-alone, oh I’m sure you really do know what I mean.
Hmm wait, I’m babbling now. Where was I? Being alone? Ah… still there? Oh shit, haven’t I learned anything?
The movie is over now, so is my dinner. And I suddenly remember this one video on youtube introduced by a good friend of mine. It’s titled How to Be Alone. It’s not overall perfect, but it somehow may help you pass your lonely nights… or days… whatever. Enjoy!