Playing victim is one way to make us feel better during tribulation. Well, for about ten minutes. It is a form of consolation and definitely not a solution. When we play victim, the very obvious act is putting blame on others – anything and anyone.
When it happens?
It usually happens when someone did something perceived as “wrong” (and actually knowing it) so they use this “card” as justification – that s/he is just a victim of circumstances and not the one causing it. Some other times, it happens as form of anger and dissatisfaction which s/he doesn’t know how to solve.
Some signs of such behaviour are when you scream out something like:
“Damn! I come late again at work because of the terrible traffic. Thanks to the government who does nothing to mitigate it. Oh! The city is just over-populated with too many private cars running on too few roads.”
(You can always wake up and leave earlier)
“ I’ve been awake for twenty-two hours and still can’t sleep. Work is never-ending, my roommates are loud, my bed is too small, and the roof leaks, not to mention the mosquitoes! When will this misery end?”
“Oh why this happens to me? My ex has a girlfriend already. He is so winning the break-up, while I’m still wallowing in sorrow – thinking of him or worse: them.”
(You have many options to face breakups more healthily, yet you choose the miserable one)
“I want to get out of this office! My colleagues are so mean, and my boss is abusing and harassing my professionalism all the time.”
(Then get out, you whiny cow!)
Or pity yourself like:
“What can I do? I was born this way. Life has been unfair since day one I see the world.”
(Ya ya… you were born beautiful and healthy. It’s so unfair… for those unfortunate people!)
“Yeah, of course he is more successful. He comes from rich family, went to the best schools, and was raised in a perfect environment with important and successful people.”
(While you are busy complaining your disadvantaged situation)
“Oh! This is too much for me! I am literally round now because of these genes that I easily gain weight especially when I am this damn depressed! Yeah, thanks to my boyfriend and boss and colleagues!”
(No! Thanks to your snacking habit and laziness to exercise!)
“Life is easier for men. They can do all silly mistakes and will be forgiven because they are men. Women cannot and should not make any mistakes. Oh, I wish I was born as a man.”
(Umm yes, I wish the same, hahaha)
Why do we feel as victim?
Firstly and mostly, it is related to our egocentric nature – that anything in this world matters less than us. Secondly, it is due to the fact that there are many things in life beyond our control. Therefore we complain. Those who play victim also expect to receive sympathy, to divert guilt, or to avoid responsibilities. This is an act of manipulating other people. However, being a common behaviour doesn’t make it the best thing to do, no?
Every thought is creating reality, therefore when you think you are a victim, well then you are.
If there is an option to feel better in a longer run, why not doing it?
Yes, you have the option to stop doing it as soon as you can. I said stop because probably avoiding it is even harder. I believe that we – people – tend to see ourselves as victim of circumstances. It’s like an automatic defence mechanism. Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re acting like it. I won’t blame you. Self-pity is indeed easy and comforting (but again, only for about ten minutes).
So, how to stop it? The very first step is to realize and admit that we’re playing it. Once you feel the world treating you bad and you get angry to anything… that is when the playing victim occurred. So, tell yourself: I am playing victim. If once doesn’t give any impacts, repeat: I am playing victim. You need to plant this consciousness in your mind.
Second step, do nothing. This is the time when you just need to wait and see, yet stay conscious that you’re playing victim. Every thought is creating reality, therefore when you think you are a victim, well then you are. Accept it, and then…
The third step is to manage. By the time you cooled down (maybe after an hour or so), you can start to do some active actions: stop handing responsibility of our misery to others. You know? We are liable for every bit of bitterness we taste. We choose each and every conduct and attitude. We choose our friends and family, we choose the place we live, the food we eat, the words we spit out. Therefore, rather than playing victim you may opt to take the stand and be responsible.
We are liable for every bit of bitterness we taste
Just that, and I bet you’ll feel better and can walk lightly to live your day with no remorse and resentment.
Be true. Be you. Be authentic to yourself.